XXLove letters

 

When I mustn’t,

 

Sometimes I’m afraid to close my eyes,

Because I confuse ‘I must’ with ‘I want’,

How to go on,

I am afraid,

It’s not my plans,

I’ll tell you the truth,

Tonight I’ve nearly lost my mind,

I’ve nearly lost control over my wanting thought,

I said to myself ‘I must’,

I hid from myself ‘I want’,

I am afraid to keep living,

Not long ago I found myself,

Even my self is always leaving,

It is not your fault that I am falling,

If I opened the door, then it’s my fault,

You didn’t get out,

You didn’t get in,

You stood in the doorway as if you were uninvited,

I’ll tell the truth,

I was afraid,

Don’t ask the reason why,

Explanations spoil excitement,

Tonight I’ve decided to shut all the doors,

I am protected from cold and hesitation,

I was freezing,

It’s cold outside and silent inside,

I hoped to find you there,

But I wasn’t surprised,

Nobody stood in the doorway,

My face was calm and glacial,

I don’t want to answer barely breathing,

‘Thank you,

I’m fine,

Everything is almost OK,

How are you?’

‘Everything is almost perfect,

You are very kind’,

‘I am not kinder than others,

Take care of yourself’,

‘I don’t need to do’,

Something is wrong in the Kingdom of Denmark,

It’s what Shakespeare nearly said,

Reality differs,

Villains are princes,

Difference is fragile,

It’s made of crystal,

It happened once on the pages,

It happened so many times that fairy tales started telling the truth,

We are in separate rooms under threat of extinction,

Like paper oceans and stars, rivers and fake hills,

Everything isn’t the same except for the telephone call,

It reminds me of our first commitment,

I’ve never loved uncertainty,

My whole life is uncertain,

 

As if it was in its teens.