What does the cat purr in your ear?

 

 

 

Leave-Taking

 

 

I expect everything now,

It’s the only thing one can expect,

In a moment it might be ‘never’,

In two moments it might be ‘nothing’,

I’m waiting for ‘no’ fusion,

When out of ‘never’ and ‘nothing’,

Everything will come to life,

I learn to say ‘farewell’,

To ugly thoughts and ugly feelings,

Ugly actions and ugly beings,

Fool stops that I put,

To say nothing about scratchy beginnings,

The beginnings I never made,

Boarders and limits I drew with eyeliner,

Mapping my blanket head,

Millions of good nights,

They made me to feel mighty,

Good mornings I never said,

Songs that I stopped to listen,

Letters I didn’t write,

The hypothetical scripts in my morbid imagination,

In which ‘I love you’,

I shortened to ‘love’,

Wounds I kept fresh and attractive,

New wounds  I inflicted with joy,

Every time I said  ‘I can’t stand it’,

I lied in every word,

Because I could stand a lot,

Mistakes that I made,

Words I regretted,

Words that remained untold,

I wasn’t mad at you,

I’m always mad at your worries,

I don’t live to be sad anymore,

Smiles I forgot to give,

Doubts I kept for myself,

All their musts and my ‘I must not’,

All risks that I didn’t take,

Dreams that I didn’t dream,

Goals I never had,

The promises I trespassed,

Cups of coffee that I didn’t share,

 Every time I said ‘no’,

While I wanted to say ‘yes’,

This dream was huge,

It’s still enormous,

I learn to say good-bye,

To the moments you were insecure and absent,

I do my best but I can not wake up,

 A white ceiling is still there,

It stands in my way to the sun.